A few more ceremonies, and one coming up that I didn't want

Well, it's been a while, but I have been kinda busy.

After my manic week, the next ceremony was ....odd.

It was a suicide, a social services job and all terribly tragic. Except about 20 people turned up, which is extremely unusual for a council ceremony.

I had a meeting and several phones calls with the chief mourner, who had a complicated relationship with the deceased.

To be honest, I'm not sure that a humanist ceremony was the right choice. He was a man always looking for something and although he wasn't "religious" as such, through conversations I've had afterwards, I wonder if a priest should have been called, rather than a fat bird with a nice line in poems.

That said, it all went well, but one of the speakers did get an "Amen" out of the congregation! She started off by giving thanks for the life of the deceased (alarm bells starting to tinkle lightly), and finished up with hoping that he'd found the peace "that passeth all understanding". (Sirens clattering through my brain). She said Amen and got a response, but to be honest, I didn't mind. by that point there was nothing I could do about it; I hadn't seen her text beforehand and most people seemed to respond favourably to the ceremony.

I was stalked a little bit by the chief mourner afterwards - she has a lot going on, and I think she needs to talk to someone about it. But I, with the best will in the world and all the compassion I can muster, am neither qualified or experienced as a grief counsellor. She mentioned that she is seeing a professional, so I didn't feel to guilty about gently cutting off the lines of communication.

Since then I've had a couple of very elderly "customers". One was a retired bachelor school teacher. I met his best friend who'd looked after his affairs in life. It was very much a case of old school, stiff upper lip, but I think that they were genuinely upset by the loss.

I did have an almost giggle moment, though. They didn't want music in the reflection, just silence. I said "we will now have a moment of silence for reflection" and their heads bowed. But I then kept talking "use this time to remember XX, those with a religious belief may like to use this time for prayer, etc....." and the heads bobbed up again.

Not to self "We will shortly have a moment of silence for reflection..."

The next elderly lady was one of a type. The sort of woman who wanted to save the world and was very involved in committees, politics and quangos, but had, over the course of many years, individually pissed off every single member of her own family.

I have a friend who believes in angels, and the spirit carrying on (I don't share her beliefs, but I'm always interested to hear them). My friend reckons that this lady's spirit would have been in the chapel and realised how empty it was. If she's right, it's very sad. But then again, it's not that much fun if she's wrong.

There are some more lined up over the next few weeks, including the ceremony that I didn't want.

It was bound to happen one day. I know the deceased. Not well, not a bosom buddy, but a former colleague. The sort of person that if I met her in the town, we'd stop, say hello, catch up on how the family are doing.

I knew that this lady was unwell, but hadn't realised just how poorly she was. It will be tough, partly because of the sadness I feel because I knew her, partly because of the tragedy I feel because she was only in her 50s. And partly, for very selfish reasons, because there will be people I know in the congregation, who will see me at work the next day and will be telling others how I did.

No pressure then!