Bollocks!
That was the main word going through my head as I drove back from a family visit earlier this week.
I have compromised myself, because I have allowed a hymn to be included in one of my ceremonies. Okay, so the world isn't going to end, but I didn't even put up a fight.
To be honest, I was in a state of shock when I agreed to it, as I'd just found out that the deceased, a little old lady, hadn't died of "old age" or "natural causes" but had decided to take her own life.
For a moment, everything seemed to unimportant, I think I would have agreed to a sermon by the Archbishop of Canterbury!
I'm glad that I hadn't known about the cause of death when I went to the visit, or I would have been a nervous wreck by the time I got there, but I did feel a bit pole-axed when the family told me.
The sad thing is, if it had been the funeral of a 17 year old lad, suicide would have been more tragic, but less surprising. What does that say about our society, I wonder?
However, I have made the decision (well, the mistake) and the hymn will be sung, so all I can do is distance myself from it, explain that it wouldn't normally be included in a humanist ceremony, let them sing to their heart's content and learn from the experience.
I know I shouldn't beat myself up, it was only my fourth family visit, for goodness' sake, but beating myself up is a speciality (and not in a good way....)
Thursday 29 May 2008
Monday 26 May 2008
Speaking too quickly
Well, my first two ceremonies are done.
I speaktooquickly.
I think that I was still clear, and that my diction was fine etc, but the first ceremony ended much sooner than I expected.
To be honest, it was a blur afterwards, I only know what I said because it was all written down.
The second one went better. Someone I know was the Funeral Director, and so on the way in he asked for everyone to stand (I forgot!)
X.Piry's top tip du jour:
When you're working at a crematorium for the first time, don't wait until half way through the ceremony before you think "where the **** is the button for the curtains?". This will cause you to run your hands around the lecturn while you're speaking, and generally look suspicious.
I managed to spot said button when I took a step back for the moment's silence.
That was a close one!
However, only my mate the funeral director seemed to have spotted it (I hope!) and the family were pleased with what I'd done, so job's a good 'un.
I speaktooquickly.
I think that I was still clear, and that my diction was fine etc, but the first ceremony ended much sooner than I expected.
To be honest, it was a blur afterwards, I only know what I said because it was all written down.
The second one went better. Someone I know was the Funeral Director, and so on the way in he asked for everyone to stand (I forgot!)
X.Piry's top tip du jour:
When you're working at a crematorium for the first time, don't wait until half way through the ceremony before you think "where the **** is the button for the curtains?". This will cause you to run your hands around the lecturn while you're speaking, and generally look suspicious.
I managed to spot said button when I took a step back for the moment's silence.
That was a close one!
However, only my mate the funeral director seemed to have spotted it (I hope!) and the family were pleased with what I'd done, so job's a good 'un.
Sunday 18 May 2008
First family visits
Well, it's 9 o'clock on a sunday morning, and I've been writing since 7:30, doing the two tributes from my family visits on Friday.
Yes, count 'em, two.
Interesting family dynamics, as I suspected, at the first one. I'd been told some of the negative stuff about the deceased during a phone call with her daughter. None of this came out at the meeting, so I was happy to ignore the bad stuff.
Then, yesterday morning (just as I was about to go out - note to self- use answerphone more) the same daughter rang to tell me tales of depression, marital conflict, family dysfunction and the like. Oh joy, so not only was I late meeting my friend, but I had to listen to someone complaining about her nearest and dearest! I've got family of my own if I want to hear whinging! I've also been left with the problem of what do I put in my script. The tribute should be accurate, but I don't think it hurts to have a few euphemisms. A carefully worded "they went through the ups and downs that all marriages experience" should hopefully be recognisable to all who knew her, without telling the world that they rowed a lot.
My second visit was to a lady who is one of life's philosophers. She's obviously well read and had very kindly written out a precis of her mother's life for me, so I had a lot of material to use for the tribute. I'm convinced that I once worked with the deceased, during a not particularly glittering point in my career (the non-glittering was entirely my own doing, nothing to do with the deceased or her colleagues). I feel happier about this tribute, but conscious that I've only met one of the descendants, and must be careful to include the other.
Between family visits, I popped in to visit the FD I'd previously met (nice lady), and another that I hadn't had dealings with. Timing was on my side, as the funeral arranger had just met a family who wanted a humanist officiant. What a result! So I've got another family visit Tuesday evening.
Bring them on.
Yes, count 'em, two.
Interesting family dynamics, as I suspected, at the first one. I'd been told some of the negative stuff about the deceased during a phone call with her daughter. None of this came out at the meeting, so I was happy to ignore the bad stuff.
Then, yesterday morning (just as I was about to go out - note to self- use answerphone more) the same daughter rang to tell me tales of depression, marital conflict, family dysfunction and the like. Oh joy, so not only was I late meeting my friend, but I had to listen to someone complaining about her nearest and dearest! I've got family of my own if I want to hear whinging! I've also been left with the problem of what do I put in my script. The tribute should be accurate, but I don't think it hurts to have a few euphemisms. A carefully worded "they went through the ups and downs that all marriages experience" should hopefully be recognisable to all who knew her, without telling the world that they rowed a lot.
My second visit was to a lady who is one of life's philosophers. She's obviously well read and had very kindly written out a precis of her mother's life for me, so I had a lot of material to use for the tribute. I'm convinced that I once worked with the deceased, during a not particularly glittering point in my career (the non-glittering was entirely my own doing, nothing to do with the deceased or her colleagues). I feel happier about this tribute, but conscious that I've only met one of the descendants, and must be careful to include the other.
Between family visits, I popped in to visit the FD I'd previously met (nice lady), and another that I hadn't had dealings with. Timing was on my side, as the funeral arranger had just met a family who wanted a humanist officiant. What a result! So I've got another family visit Tuesday evening.
Bring them on.
Monday 12 May 2008
I've got a gig!
One of the FDs I met on Friday has got me a ceremony
I've spoken to the family and it looks like an interesting one (some "challenging" family dynamics, I think).
Rock n Roll!
I've spoken to the family and it looks like an interesting one (some "challenging" family dynamics, I think).
Rock n Roll!
The downs and ups...
My visit with the funeral director went really well. I was perfectly honest about my lack of experience, but gave an example of my written work, and discussed the training, and we sat chatting for nearly two hours. She was a lovely lady, and I was really grateful for her time.
After that, we had a downward slide. I had a message from SWMBO, asking if I'd heard from a particular FD, as there was a ceremony in the offiing. I hadn't heard, and offered to call them, but SWMBO told me to leave it with her.
Unfortunately the family had decided to go with the local registrars (who are also doing non-religious ceremonies - curse them!), and I began to feel very down in the dumps. Something along the lines of (please imagine a whining voice)
"That's it - I'm never going to get any work. How am I supposed to gain any experience if nobody will give me a chance? I know that's not their problem, but what can I do? All I want is to get that first one under my belt..." This went on for some time.
Again, action is better than inaction, so despite it being a blisteringly hot day, I put on the black suit again, and went delivering leaflets.
First I met Tall Guy, a man I've known a little for many years. He was very receptive, but pointed out an obvious - many people, at the last minute, opt for a religious service, just in case they've been wrong all these years (I believe there's something called "Pascal's Wager" I need to look into).
Then I went to the one who had called my mentor the day before. I was conscious that I was being recommended to them, when they'd not even met me, so I went and pressed some flesh there.
Finally, I went to another that my mentor uses, and with whom I share a mutual friend. The arranger there was a nice guy, who said he'd put me forward for the next humanist ceremony - they don't like to rely too heavily on the same celebrants, so this will be my chance to go on their "rota".
I felt a lot better after those visits than I did before, I can tell ya!
After that, we had a downward slide. I had a message from SWMBO, asking if I'd heard from a particular FD, as there was a ceremony in the offiing. I hadn't heard, and offered to call them, but SWMBO told me to leave it with her.
Unfortunately the family had decided to go with the local registrars (who are also doing non-religious ceremonies - curse them!), and I began to feel very down in the dumps. Something along the lines of (please imagine a whining voice)
"That's it - I'm never going to get any work. How am I supposed to gain any experience if nobody will give me a chance? I know that's not their problem, but what can I do? All I want is to get that first one under my belt..." This went on for some time.
Again, action is better than inaction, so despite it being a blisteringly hot day, I put on the black suit again, and went delivering leaflets.
First I met Tall Guy, a man I've known a little for many years. He was very receptive, but pointed out an obvious - many people, at the last minute, opt for a religious service, just in case they've been wrong all these years (I believe there's something called "Pascal's Wager" I need to look into).
Then I went to the one who had called my mentor the day before. I was conscious that I was being recommended to them, when they'd not even met me, so I went and pressed some flesh there.
Finally, I went to another that my mentor uses, and with whom I share a mutual friend. The arranger there was a nice guy, who said he'd put me forward for the next humanist ceremony - they don't like to rely too heavily on the same celebrants, so this will be my chance to go on their "rota".
I felt a lot better after those visits than I did before, I can tell ya!
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