Religion by the back door

Forgive me for stating the bleedin' obvious but, as a humanist celebrant, I conduct non-religious ceremonies.

Well, that's the theory. But I'm going through one of those little patches, where the godly are making their mark.

Nothing in life (or death) is black or white, and so an ardent atheist of the angry/Dawkins type may be surrounded by people of faith who don't feel quite right sending their loved on off to their hereafter without a few words of commendation.

I try to be flexible. As a rule of thumb, I am happy for there to be a hymn in the ceremony, but I won't sing it (I'm the one with the microphone). I like to put it into context "we will now have Jerusalem because Bert had a fetish for the ladies of the local WI", something of that nature, and I normally say "unusually for a humanist ceremony, we will now have a hymn...."

If won't say prayers (to me, it's lying and I have a thing about my personal truth), but if others want to have a (single) prayer, and there is a member of the gathering happy to deliver it, I will introduce it (again, contextualising as far as possible).

Many of my colleagues do a lot more than this, and many do a lot less - one hears of point blank refusals of anything vaguely non-scientific. That's their choice, this is mine.

And yet, at the moment, I have ceremonies coming up where I'm beginning to feel compromised.

These are in the same funeral:

1) Having Jerusalem - well, as said above, there is a reason.
2) "My brother and I really like All things bright and beautiful. This will be a small crowd, and so we're just listening to it. I've chosen a choirboy version, so nobody's likely to sing along.

My problem, such as it is, is the worry that people will think "this is a typical humanist funeral". Like I say, in this one, I'll be able to count the number of attendees on both hands, so not anticipating a lot of explanation, but in bigger gigs it feels a bit hypocritical.

The second one is stickier. Deceased came from a religious background, moved away from organised religion, but still has a belief in a creator. Her partner is an out and out atheist and belongs to one of the secular organisations. So far, so okay. The deceased has had a full life, so if we just focus on "this is a celebration of Ethel's life", we will more than fill our time, and (hopefully) do justice to this lady's qualities.

Ah, but.

We are having a number of contributors and one is a friend who had a lot of "spiritual" conversations with the deceased, in the last few years of her life. This person is contributing to the ceremony and, as far as I can tell, with the deceased's partner's permission, is playing a song (don't know what), giving a bible reading and delivering a prayer.

Halle-flippin'-lujiah!

I have been told that this friend has also been known to speak in tongues, but meant a great deal to the deceased.

I will let them have their say. If they go on too long, they'll have the same firm hand on the shoulder that anyone else would. But I hope that no staunch humanists are there - they'll be wondering what on earth is going on!

This contributor has so far wished me a blessed evening, and told me that he's glad that he has my blessing. He neither needs it, nor has it. But if that's what gets him through the day.

I will probably never use this poem.
But I'd really like to:

I would not have a god come in
To shield me suddenly from sin,
And set my house of life to rights;
Nor angels with bright burning wings;
Ordering my earthly thoughts and things;
Rather my own frail guttering lights
Wind blown and nearly beaten out;
Rather the terror of the nights
And long, sick groping after doubt;
Rather be lost than let my would
Slip vaguely from my own control -
Of my own spirit let me be
In sole though feeble mastery

Sara Teasdale, 1884 - 1933

I don't wish to sound all "anti", but sometimes the grey between the black and white gets a little too blurry!

Love and peace to all

It's been a while

Sorry for the absence. What with some odd bits of non-funeral work that involved deadlines, Christmas, a weekend away that didn't happen because of the snow and a busy month, I've not been anywhere near the blog.

It's been a turbulent time;
there have been some curly funerals (going to hospital to see a terminally ill man to arrange the funeral of his father was...interesting),

I've managed to upset a colleague (turf wars, as if there isn't enough crap in life already),

and the bad weather has caused an underlying level of anxiety and forward planning never before seen at X.Piry Towers. I think that every set of words I've written has been emailed to the crematorium, just in case I don't get there. At one point I was stomping around saying "that's it, I'm getting a Land Rover - I don't care how old and tatty it is, I just need something better than the car I've got..."

And underlying anxiety is par for the course with this job/being self employed. I had got to the point where I thought "I can't take any more bookings - I simply don't have time to meet people and to give the funeral words the care and attention they deserve", but the next morning, I woke up panicking because I hadn't heard from a former regular FD for a while. (They have new arrangers in, but I'll keep plugging away).

So, apologies for a negative post, but I feel flippin exhausted. Gloria, I think I need to give your mindfulness a try, get some balance back.

But I do genuinely wish everyone a happy new year. May you all be as fulfilled and fascinated by life as you wish to be.