Speaking too quickly

Well, my first two ceremonies are done.

I speaktooquickly.

I think that I was still clear, and that my diction was fine etc, but the first ceremony ended much sooner than I expected.

To be honest, it was a blur afterwards, I only know what I said because it was all written down.

The second one went better. Someone I know was the Funeral Director, and so on the way in he asked for everyone to stand (I forgot!)

X.Piry's top tip du jour:
When you're working at a crematorium for the first time, don't wait until half way through the ceremony before you think "where the **** is the button for the curtains?". This will cause you to run your hands around the lecturn while you're speaking, and generally look suspicious.

I managed to spot said button when I took a step back for the moment's silence.

That was a close one!

However, only my mate the funeral director seemed to have spotted it (I hope!) and the family were pleased with what I'd done, so job's a good 'un.

First family visits

Well, it's 9 o'clock on a sunday morning, and I've been writing since 7:30, doing the two tributes from my family visits on Friday.

Yes, count 'em, two.

Interesting family dynamics, as I suspected, at the first one. I'd been told some of the negative stuff about the deceased during a phone call with her daughter. None of this came out at the meeting, so I was happy to ignore the bad stuff.

Then, yesterday morning (just as I was about to go out - note to self- use answerphone more) the same daughter rang to tell me tales of depression, marital conflict, family dysfunction and the like. Oh joy, so not only was I late meeting my friend, but I had to listen to someone complaining about her nearest and dearest! I've got family of my own if I want to hear whinging! I've also been left with the problem of what do I put in my script. The tribute should be accurate, but I don't think it hurts to have a few euphemisms. A carefully worded "they went through the ups and downs that all marriages experience" should hopefully be recognisable to all who knew her, without telling the world that they rowed a lot.

My second visit was to a lady who is one of life's philosophers. She's obviously well read and had very kindly written out a precis of her mother's life for me, so I had a lot of material to use for the tribute. I'm convinced that I once worked with the deceased, during a not particularly glittering point in my career (the non-glittering was entirely my own doing, nothing to do with the deceased or her colleagues). I feel happier about this tribute, but conscious that I've only met one of the descendants, and must be careful to include the other.

Between family visits, I popped in to visit the FD I'd previously met (nice lady), and another that I hadn't had dealings with. Timing was on my side, as the funeral arranger had just met a family who wanted a humanist officiant. What a result! So I've got another family visit Tuesday evening.

Bring them on.

I've got a gig!

One of the FDs I met on Friday has got me a ceremony
I've spoken to the family and it looks like an interesting one (some "challenging" family dynamics, I think).

Rock n Roll!

The downs and ups...

My visit with the funeral director went really well. I was perfectly honest about my lack of experience, but gave an example of my written work, and discussed the training, and we sat chatting for nearly two hours. She was a lovely lady, and I was really grateful for her time.

After that, we had a downward slide. I had a message from SWMBO, asking if I'd heard from a particular FD, as there was a ceremony in the offiing. I hadn't heard, and offered to call them, but SWMBO told me to leave it with her.

Unfortunately the family had decided to go with the local registrars (who are also doing non-religious ceremonies - curse them!), and I began to feel very down in the dumps. Something along the lines of (please imagine a whining voice)

"That's it - I'm never going to get any work. How am I supposed to gain any experience if nobody will give me a chance? I know that's not their problem, but what can I do? All I want is to get that first one under my belt..." This went on for some time.

Again, action is better than inaction, so despite it being a blisteringly hot day, I put on the black suit again, and went delivering leaflets.

First I met Tall Guy, a man I've known a little for many years. He was very receptive, but pointed out an obvious - many people, at the last minute, opt for a religious service, just in case they've been wrong all these years (I believe there's something called "Pascal's Wager" I need to look into).

Then I went to the one who had called my mentor the day before. I was conscious that I was being recommended to them, when they'd not even met me, so I went and pressed some flesh there.

Finally, I went to another that my mentor uses, and with whom I share a mutual friend. The arranger there was a nice guy, who said he'd put me forward for the next humanist ceremony - they don't like to rely too heavily on the same celebrants, so this will be my chance to go on their "rota".

I felt a lot better after those visits than I did before, I can tell ya!

Fear and Self-Loathing in Staples

I'm really not comfortable selling myself.

I dread visiting Funeral Directors more than anything. I know, it's crazy, I should be more worried about meeting a family wracked with grief, but when I go to their home, I will have a specific purpose in meeting them, and will hopefully help them deal with their tragedy.

Meeting Funeral Directors to say "hello, I'm here, I'm trained and I'm lovely" causes me tears and heartache like none other. I have self-confidence "issues", and promoting myself is like torture to me.

However it has to be done, so, putting my big brave pants on (as well as my black suit, natch,) I went to visit a local Director after work today. I don't feel it went well. I was in there for about five minutes, and I didn't really sell my personality. I can be chatty (can chat for England, to tell the truth), I can be warm, and I have a sense of humour (so I'm told - mostly I just think I'm a lary tart who can't shut up, but that's the "issue" raising its head again). I was trying so hard to be sensible and mature, that I fear I came across as aloof and stand-offish.

My head was somewhat messed, and so I then drove home like a f-wit. (Apologies to the guy who was helping the lorry to turn, I was insolent, and there's really no need for that).

After my last funeral with SWMBO last week, I went into Staples, the stationery store, to get supplies (business cards, posh paper etc). I love Staples, it's my favourite shop (I have that female stationery-addiction thing) and so I now have a loyalty card for my favourite shop! This was very exciting, but I began to fear that all I was doing was wasting money if I was never to do a ceremony.

Once home today, I tried a ten-minute relaxation technique (which basically involves me sitting in the armchair breathing v e r y s l o w l y), but my head was still racing.

Again, action is better than inaction, so I made another call to another director. This one was enthusiastic! She has had trouble with her funeral celebrants! I'm going to see her on Thursday afternoon!

My faith in myself and my choice of profession has been restored.

I'm official

I got my letter in the post this morning - I've been approved to conduct ceremonies on my own.

Yippee!!!!!!!!!!!


Now I just have to make nice with Funeral Directors.


Hummmmmm................

Ooooohhhhhh!!!!!

There appear to be political machinations at work.

There's been a row, and someone high up locally has resigned his position. Unfortunately, this is all to do with comments on a forum that I can't yet use because I haven't yet reached that stage in my accreditation. My concern is that everything will have been removed by the time I get onto it, and I'll miss out - believe me, I'm not a woman that likes to miss out on anything!

I shall have to chat with SWMBO and try to get more info, but she's got loads of family stuff going on at the moment, so I'll be a bit sensitive to that.

I do occasionally have dark thoughts about all this. I love the work, and admire, in principle, the organisation, but as with all structures there are elements of shit at work.

The celebrant who did my grandfather's funeral in January is not, as I believed at the time, a fully accredited member of the Association, but an independent. Apparently, he'd had a falling out with the Association some time ago, and went out on his own since then. It's not a course of action I would follow willingly. I've always worked in business and so I take a certain amount of comfort in the structure of such institutions. Having been to the local crematorium on Friday, however, and looked at the business cards on the notice board, it would appear that my main competition (God Squad aside) is in the form of a couple of independents.

It is better to have the weight of an organisation behind me, I think - as long as that organisation is strong, and not imploding thanks to the people within it.

Interesting and scary times.