Nothing major has happened, but when we're in a business where we really want to get it right, the small silly mistakes can seem big.
The first one? Everyone is standing up as we process in. The coffin is placed on the catafalque and as I start to fade the music I say in a commanding but kindly voice "Will you please stand....sorry....sit down."
To be honest, it turned into a good ice-breaker (I may use it again!), and it was a family that found it funny. I got away with it.
The second one, I felt even more daft about. The family is spread all over the globe, and so I offered to record the ceremony on a small dictaphone. I do this occasionally, explaining clearly that it is not professional quality, but it can be better, for those far away, than simply reading the words.
Of course, this only works when you remember to turn the damned machine on! As I walked out of the chapel, after the ceremony, I remembered. Naturally, I told the family that there had been a problem with the recording (details neither useful nor necessary at this stage) and offered to record it later. I got home, sat in my office and read the thing again, downloading and playing the music at the appropriate times. It was the best I could do, but not the same.
So, why these silly mistakes? Am I just getting a bit weary? Either way, it's a week before my next ceremony - I can't help but think that that's probably a good thing.
Love and peace to all.
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5 comments:
I think you are being far too hard on yourself - we are not mechanical toys. Such slip ups show the human qualities of a person. Although I suspect you are a bit of a perfectionist and that is why you are admirably suited to the work you do. There are occasions when things do not go to plan - I know I have made silly errors when delivering a tribute - the pressure of time - the FD pacing up and down in the background or the chapel attendant looking pointedly at his watch. Over time you learn to take such things in your stride. Think about the ones that went well and the lovely comments from the families entrusted into your care and support. Keep up the good work -
Wise words, anon. XP is too hard on herself here. I once said "and his son, little X, only survived for five months." The dead one's daughter held her hand up with five fingers (well, four and a thumb) outstretched and mouthed "days..five days." I was mortified, began to blush, and said quite sponetaneously "I'm so sorry. But that's even worse, it must have been dreadful for you all." Tried to stop blushing, etc. Afterwards I apologised profusely and she just said "don't worry - it really broke the ice for us." I think - self-justifications aside - that it let them into the ceremony more. Performance perfection can simply push everyone back.
It happened because I didn't press firmly enough during the family meeting (distractions, dogs etc etc.)One learns....
Things like this really can nag one's self-esteem and provoke that goblin voice that says, You're losing it, aren't you, you can't engage with it like you used, you're getting careless...
Horrid. We all know what it feels like.
Please don't beat yourself up. Be kind. To err is human -- and to um from time to time. Funerals need human touches. Seamless is soulless.
So it's lots of love and a big cyberhug from a fellow failer!
To pick up on Charles' kind words, XP: as you know from dropping in, I tend to bang on about mindfulness meditation etc over on you-know-where, and one of the things they try to teach us is compassion towards oneself, as part of compassion for people in general. That's not, of course, permission to screw up and never mind the consequences, but it does help if one makes a small and, actually, insignificant error such as the one you describe. So as Charles says, have a hug. No extra charge.
Gloria x
Many thanks for your courage and support, folks. Hugs are always welcome and much appreciated.
Yes, it's time to learn and move on. You're right, Anon and Charles, nobody is perfect and it's being human that makes it real.
Gloria - you're also spot on, if this was someone else, I'd be saying "never mind, you recovered well...." but as it's me, I find that harder.
Thanks all - I daresay I'll be fine for the next one - and that's the only one I can worry about now.
Cheers and much love back atcha!
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