A couple of months ago, I blogged about a problem with a new candidate.
http://dontgettooclosetothefurnace.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/a-new-twist-on-old-problem.html
A few days later, things took a turn. "Michael" put in an official complaint about me. (I thought he'd read this, identified himself and that I'd been rumbled, but I soon found out that this wasn't the case).
He felt that because I had not given the reasons for failing to endorse his application (because I wanted him to speak to me) then I had not worked in a supportive fashion and had therefore breached the code of conduct of my particular "firm".
I won't put here my initial reaction but it involved reference to a game a soldiers after an expletive detailing men's reproductive organs. I was annoyed, of course, but it did rather prove my concerns about suitability.
The complaint was answered and not upheld (XP - 1, Michael - 0). But this left me with a problem - how the hell do I work with someone who would put in a complaint before speaking to me. And, rather more crucially, how on earth would I say to a funeral director "this is my colleague, Michael, please feel free to call him if I'm not available."
There have been meetings, discussions, efforts made etc but, ultimately these problems are insurmountable. Assuming that Michael starts practicing as a funeral celebrant, (or even if he doesn't, he still does weddings etc), I am stuck with a colleague who would take up time and effort complaining when I didn't put his name forward. And, to be fair, later complaints would be justified; I couldn't recommend him, so would be a naughty girl and breach the code.
In the end, there seemed only one way out and that is to leave the firm. I am now an independent celebrant.
I have joined another firm (low key, done to sort out the public liability insurance as much as anything) but essentially I'm out there on my own. It's scary but feedback so far has been positive. More than one FD has said "it's you we book, XP, not your accreditation."
We'll have to see how this pans out. I think that I've probably kissed goodbye to weddings and namings, as most of those enquiries came from the firm's central website, but at heart I'm a funeral celebrant. The other ceremonies are fun, but they are not the core of what I do.
I feel really sad that this has happened and also quite cross. The whole situation has taken a lot of time and effort and absolutely none of it has led me to have a better family meeting, write a better funeral or deliver a better ceremony.
Many years ago I used to have to put up with office politics, cliques, departmental squabbles and people throwing their toys out of the pram. It was irritating, but I also got paid holiday, paid sick leave, tea and coffee on tap, a Christmas party.....
As a self-employed celebrant (whatever the affiliation) there's really no need to put up with that kind of b.. (nearly mentioned those men's bits again!).
Rant over. Love and peace to all.
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8 comments:
GO XP!
Unpleasant for you; it all has a horribly familiar ring.
Welcome to the club of ex-firm people, sister. I love what the FD said to you.In my experience, FDs couldn't give a damn about the British Institute of Green Fused Humanist Funeral Celebrant Associations, it's exactly as he said: they book you, not the organisation. When something not entirely dissimilar happened to me, and I left the firm, one FD I do a lot of work with simply said: "We don't want any hassle. Are you free Thursday week?"
Firms may have their uses, in the early days. I think, after a while, we may often be better off without them and their forms and top-slices, and the fuss about other firm-supported celebrants.
Of COURSE you can't recommend this bloke. He's a dick-head.
Personally, I'd have a look at any good celebs in your area, whichever firm they originate from. I always ask chapel attendants if they think a celeb is any good. And now you could recommend them with a clear conscience because you're not restricted to firmware.
Freedom. It smells good, I found. Please don't be sad or cross for too long. You're obviously a really good celebrant and people need your work - not your ex-firm, nor a clown like "Michael."
Flourish.
X
Gloria
Hello XP - just popping by to offer some support re leaving your "firm" - WELL DONE! It all sounded a bit masonic - recommending someone - anyone - who bears the same label! YUK is all I can say and poor families - where's the quality control? You can't recommend someone just because there's no-one else from the "firm" when you know they're rubbish. Imagine if it were a dentist or a surgeon? if someone doesn't fit the bill/make the grade then the 'customers' should come first. Even more so in a funeral - at least you can get false teeth or different surgeon to try and correct the damage done by an incompetent colleague, but for a funeral - well, there's no chance of a re-run!
You are so right to walk away - I walked away from my 'firm' after much soul searching - but in the end felt they were self seeking and not addressing the needs of families or celebrants - some were/are coming through who were far from first class and who in all honesty I could not recommend. It seemed that the "firm" were interested more in profit than selective training. When a colleague questioned them about one recent graduate of their training who was struggling - she was told 'don't worry, we know he'll go nowhere'. Yet they had taken his money, 'trained' her, and sent him out into the world...
I'm very lucky to have a couple of excellent local colleagues (non "firm") who I'm happy to recommend and who I meet up with for mutual support and coffee.
Sounds like you have a nice FD close by - most of the ones round here have no clue of the differences between us - they just know who they can trust....
And that's what it's all about.... For you, them and the families.
Go and don't look back, drop the anguish/anger about 'Michael' who will hopefully get his karma - though I suspect he'll be too emotionally ignorant to recognise it.
CC is right about the sadness felt around these sort of f**Kwits- the damage they do to funeral world will be horrendous - but we can't be everywhere all the time - we have to do our bit, as well as we can ....without going crazy.
Stay sane my friend
x
Yes, yes. Nothing intelligent to add other than 'what they said!'
Though trained by a different 'firm' and grateful for what they imparted, I have never felt or wanted to be under the auspices of any particular brand. There are good peeps everywhere. Of which you are most def one.
We salute you!
Ariadne
Hail, XP!
It's about putting the focus in the right place init.
The higher power is the gods, the Life Force, not some wanky human edifice. These are often just poorly-constructed gateways to the Great Work, whose purpose is aiding those who are in transition: both the living and the dead.
As others have said, why not shrug off all mundane and psychic connections to a dysfunctional framework, and stride powerfully out on your own path, knowing what you know and being of good service.
As the African Elders say: If we go forward, we die; if we go backwards, we die; so let's go forward and die!
Onwards!
Kathryn
Wow!
I just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone. It really is much appreciated and your good advice is duly noted.
So grateful to all - thanks so much.
XP xx
As the African Elders say: If we go forward, we die; if we go backwards, we die; so let's go forward and die!
love this!
Well done ! - quite a leap of faith to cut the apron strings - but don't look back. Onwards and upwards from now on. You'll reflect as to why you dithered so long before jumping ship. The sentiments you express underline the fact you are a wonderful / caring funeral celebrant and families are v fortunate to have you by their side. In the words of Gloria Gaynor "I will survive" - go on sister belt it out ! & lots of luck - xx N
I can only imagine the hassle, the heartache, the rage, the misgivings... You have my sympathy absolutely, XP. How good to see all these supportive comments.
A lot of celebrants don't make the transition from salarypeople, complete with office politics and clique warfare, to grown-up freelancers. Self-reliance is the key to security - that and talent, of course, which I know you have. Don't look back.
So: I am sorry I shall not see you at the Firm's annual jamboree (I hoped I might). And you may not believe it, but the word I must now type to verify myself is 'assfuss'!!
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