I've just had a conversation with a funeral arranger that has left me feeling uncomfortable.
I opened my cheque from this company, to find that they had paid me last year's fee. Mine went up at the beginning of this year. I rang to say that it wasn't a problem, but please could they amend my records to reflect the new figure?
It would appear that the answer is "no".
The reason is that my fee is more than £10 higher than the local clergy. Now, I'm not in the business of promoting myself by criticizing others, but what I didn't say is that each of my ceremonies is composed from scratch, word by word. Yes, there are some readings and ideas that are universal and get re-used, but they are all re-written for the individual concerned - I don't have a standard service to follow.
I am aware that the best clergy also personalise everything and spend a great deal of time with their families and that there are probably bad humanists who just knock out their standard service without much thought (if there are, then people should complain - I don't want such people giving us all a bad name). But I take my work very seriously, I invest a lot of time in each ceremony and I don't think that what I get as an hourly rate is particularly high, when the full amount of time that each one takes, from start to finish, is taken into account. It's not as though anyone becomes a celebrant to get rich!
I also didn't talk about the ceremonies that I don't charge for (such as the ones for the very small people).
I'm not much of a negotiator (as you can tell), so I more or less backed down right away. I'm still sufficiently new at this that the fear of losing work is greater than the fear of losing a few quid.
But now I feel like the stuff I clear from the litter tray.
At best, I will lose a few quid each time I work for this FD, but, at worst, I won't work for this FD again and will get known as a money grabber. (Forgive me, I have an active imagination and occasional paranoia).
I wish I hadn't made the call now, but I guess that it's better to talk about this stuff then not.
The arranger said that he had received some very good feedback about my work and was happy to recommend me, but was worried about pushing my services when my fee is so much more and funerals are already so expensive. Yes, they are, and in the scheme of things my fee is a very small proportion when the family also has a limousine and flowers and.....
I'll get over it; I always do. I'll go and see the arranger and make sure that we're still friends. It wasn't an angry call on either side, but it has left me with a nasty taste in my mouth.
Ah well.....onwards.
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5 comments:
Skewed and crazy. You can't get GRANDMA in flowery letters for the price of a celebrant. Can you even get DAD?
Deeply depressing. If the ceremony (the climax for the family) is the bit this FD sits out and talks football or whatever all the way through it's not surprising he/she rates it such a low priority. Thus does merchandise crowd out meaning.
Nothing excites greater righteous disapprobation in the FD community than a celebrant who charges too much.
I feel for you, I really do. It's incredibly self-esteem lowering. It's the way things are. And we all, together, need to do something about it.
What's your real hourly rate? You'd probably make more working shifts at B&Q.
The labourer is worthy of his/her hire.
Horrid, horrid experience for you. I feel for you, I really do.
I'm with Charles, it's unpleasant for you and unnecessary, and I nearly wrote something very rude about that funeral arranger, but that's no help to you.
Your fee would have been more than the local clergy last year too! Bloody hypocrite. What does s/he charge for an ugly polluting black limo?
Your point about the % of the total that is your bit, and Charles' point about the cost of very short-lived flowers, are both unanswerable, logically. What's logic got to do with it? Nowt.
It's perhaps a tough one for you, because your choice may be between not working for that FD again, and losing - not just income, but also some of the difficult job you have chosen to do with and for bereaved people,and risk being seen as a bread-head, or taking the FD's terms for their work, which may feel a bit insulting.I mean, what do they know about the essence of your work?
Unless, of course, you were to say that you won't work for the figure they state just because they state it - your fee is X, end of story, and if they want you, that's what they will have to pay you. It's not their call, you are a professional, use me or sod off. (Sorry, sorry - concentrate, Gloria...)
Instructive story from round here - an FD, nice chap, never used me, told me on the phone it was because I charged so much more than the minister(Christian of course - they only ever seem to refer to Christianity)but chatting on, he finally admitted it was because an old pal of his was a retired minister with very little money, small or no pension, and he wanted to help him out. Stone the crucking foes, I thought, he's subsidising his mate rather than deciding what best suits the families. Nice one.
Trouble is, it's a network, you don't want the reputation of one who is only in it for the money. But I must say I'd be tempted to say that your fee is X which is in line with national practice (BHA orn whoever) and they need to pay you that if you work for them.
Look, everyone - it's not to do with the money, it's to do with the value.
If you want to discuss your fee in confidence and get an unbiased view and you'd like to send me an email, you'd be welcome.
Nil illegitimae carborundum etc.
I'm curious as to what you both charge. If you don't mind telling me but would rather do it privately, please email me at enquiry@thegreenfuneralcompany.co.uk
I'm giving up commenting on your blog. You haven't acknowledged or replied to one of them.
Many apologies, Rupert.
I have sent you an email in response to your question.
So sorry, I'm not on the blog that regularly, but I certainly didn't mean to be rude.
X.Piry
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