Many thanks for the kind comments to the previous post.
Well, we're through the other side and I'm delighted to say that it went....okay....ish. Or at least better than expected.
I wish I'd read Charles's comments earlier - I did as he suggested but not, I feel, as eloquently as he would.
I put in lots of thoughts on life and death, our connectionswith others, how the deceased will live on through the family and memories of those who love him....
I explained that humanist funerals can include tributes to the deceased, but in this case, his family had asked that those present be given time to think about him and to reflect upon what made him special to them (I'm paraphrasing, but you get the drift.....)
What actually saved us today was nothing to do with me (of course), it was the music. The family had chosen pieces which hadn't looked promising on paper, but they actually worked really well.
It wasn't a long service and I still feel it would have been better with a fuller tribute, but it didn't turn into the train wreck that I'd been fearing and for that, I'm glad.
I didn't get quite my usual quota of handshakes and "thank you very much" afterwards, but the fact that I got any was a pleasant surprise.
Ultimately, the dignity and the very nature of the occasion seemed to win out.; egos were put aside (hopefully mine, too), and there were expressions of sorrow, but not anger. It was all pleasantly calm. Now, whether or not that's the right way to grieve? I'm no psychologist, but it did mean that the whole thing passed off without aggravation and additional upset. There had been enough of that already. I'm glad that there was some resting in peace.
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2 comments:
No wonder you're relieved. Well played. Good question about ways to grieve - but of course,that's mostly beyond our control. Is it sometimes tempting to think we could use our experience to extend our role?
I found your summary of your framing comments about humanist funerals, and Charles' comments previously, very helpful and shall store them away for any similar shockers in future - thanks!
Well done! Perhaps one of the great values of having the body at a funeral like this is that it acts rather like a formidable teacher entering a classroom where everyone is squabbling noisily. It restores decorum.
And I am sure the example of you, there to do it properly with serious purpose, helped, too.
I don't know what the right way to grieve is either. But I'm sure you can't do it if you're squabbling with the living. So: you set them on the right path. You've done your bit.
Over to them, now!
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