Just recently, I've been dealing with a couple of families who are very organised - sorting out the funeral arrangements before their parent has died. This is a whole other ball game which, no doubt, will be dealt with in a later post.
It inevitably leads to the family asking the question "which FD should we use?"
It inevitably leads to the family asking the question "which FD should we use?"
This puts me in a bit of a difficult situation; in theory, all of the local FDs are my customers (to a greater or lesser degree) and so choosing one suggests that the others aren't as good. And yes, this is probably true, but I worry that if I recommend one, then the 30 that I haven't recommended will find out and stop using me. Celebrant paranoia rules, ok.
Of course, I can recommend that the family goes to an external source, such as the magnificent Good Funeral Guide and find a good 'un there.
Of course, I can recommend that the family goes to an external source, such as the magnificent Good Funeral Guide and find a good 'un there.
Luckily, in this case, another family member said "Oh, you must go to "Diggum & Depe", they were wonderful when my father died." That was me off the hook.
This particular FD is part of one of the large groups and although that doesn't necessarily mean that they are bad, I do have reservations. For example, the local crem uses the Wesley Music System. After I've visited the family, I like to visit the FD, or at least call them to give them the music choices and an update on the visit. These particular chaps have said in the past "don't worry about ringing us, just email the details through". Maybe they trust me to let them know of any concerns. Maybe.
So, the funeral took place and a member of the congregation was taken ill. The FD wasn't in the chapel (I am aware of popular opinion on this), but I guessed that I would find him in the waiting room. I let him and the other chaps there know that this situation had occurred. They dealt with everything they could, got a first aider, called an ambulance, to my knowledge the person was simply a little overheated and has made a full recovery.
Chatting afterwards, the FD said "You're lucky I was in the waiting room!".
What I wanted to say was "Well, you should be in the chapel, just in case of something like this." But I have a commercial side to my brain, which sometimes prevents the tongue from working. So I said nothing. Any ideas for a suitable retort for that one?
Needless to say, when asked in future "which FD should I use?", "Diggum & Depe" won't be the first name I mention.
4 comments:
I too am a practising Celebrant with a registration background/twist. Often relatives ask me directly about FDs in the locality and with my knowledge and insight there are those I would not touch with a barge pole or trust to bury a cat. My heart sinks when they mention they have engaged such a firm but I have to remain somewhat impartial you understand. I find on the whole independent family run businesses to be excellent in providing just the right sort of continuity of care and attention on the day that you allude to. However I have yet to experience the situation of an FD remaining in the chapel throughout the service to support the family if things should go horribly awry on the day and I have since grown accustomed to "juggling" proceedings if things do not quite run to plan. Normaly the conductor is absent having a coffee or a gasper in the cloister or engaging in banter with collegues about rival firms / new items. Like you I have to try and jog along with the "Good,Bad and the Ugly" - Warm regards -
Thanks for your comment. I know of two local firms (both indies, as it happens) where the FDs stay in the chapel. This can be both reassuring and worrying (the concern that they're thinking "oh, she's not using that poem again, is she?").
I don't necessarily have a problem with them not being there (calls to make, fags to smoke), but I do take a lot of comfort in knowing where they are.
It is a worry, isn't it?
Thanks again for the comment - it's much appreciated.
One thing that strikes me, XP, is that, just as FDs have been, and continue to be, slow to understand that a good celebrant makes them look good, they have also wholly failed to see that celebrants are a potentially valuable source of referrals. Who, after all, knows them better? Is it that they think, 'They wouldn't dare'? Why has none of them offered you a little bung yet?!
Since this chap from D&D is a member of a chain, I wonder what this chain's directions are to its FDs concerning their role during a funeral.
One could make the case that, actually, it is the crem, as venue, which is in charge of matters like this.
Whichever, it is clear that a celebrant is ill-placed to deal with such matters.
I shall do a little research and see if I can come up with an answer.
Thanks Charles.
It's an interesting one - some crems seem more fixed in their rules than others (who seats the guests etc).
I'd be interested to see any findings.
Cheers
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